♥ The Real Me ♥

Really Living

jennifer@sheaferfamily.org (Jennifer Sheafer) — Mon, 20 Apr 2009 04:58:00 +0000

Today I choose to relax and live loved.

Joy

jennifer@sheaferfamily.org (Jennifer Sheafer) — Tue, 14 Apr 2009 10:09:00 +0000

A few days ago, Chris and I went for a motorcycle ride. The weather was nice, the trees were beautiful; spring is wonderful. We went to Shawnee Mission Lake where the dogs get to run free and play in the lake. It was such fun watching the dozens and dozens of dogs.

I couldn't stop smiling! What is up with that? There are things going on in life that hurt, that make me angry. Money...ugh! Yet, on the flip side, the simplest things; a motorcycle ride, the green trees, happy dogs...they filled me with joy.

I realized that day that as quickly as I get frustrated or sad, I can get encouraged and glad!

Joy is simple. Joy is healing.

What is making you smile today?

What did make you smile today?

You

jennifer@sheaferfamily.org (Jennifer Sheafer) — Sat, 31 Jan 2009 20:11:00 +0000

What if you could see yourself
through another pair of eyes?
And what if you could hear the truth,
instead of old familiar lies?
Big Daddy Weave

What truth do you need to hear today? What truth can YOU tell YOURSELF today?

Go to the mirror. Look at your reflection. Repeat these words:

You are important.
You are valuable.
You are the best!
You are beautiful.

Smile at yourself. You are worth it! Replace the self-condemnation, old familiar lies, with positive and encouraging truth.

Now...go to the mirror!

Smile!

jennifer@sheaferfamily.org (Jennifer Sheafer) — Mon, 19 Jan 2009 16:10:00 +0000

I dare you to smile at everyone you come in contact with today. I would love to hear the reactions you get from your smiles.

Celebrate

jennifer@sheaferfamily.org (Jennifer Sheafer) — Wed, 14 Jan 2009 18:00:00 +0000

Hello. Life is moving right along. My Life Notebook isn't a life saver. It is a tool...a great tool! I have to choose to use it. The past few days have been difficult as far as keeping up on the schedule. Chris has been home and that throws me off my groove a bit. I love being with him and I am not complaining...it is just different when he has my attention. Today he is working on a small job so we will do our best to get things done this morning. I pray that God will bless me, and all of us who are organizing life, and my efforts. Amen!

Yesterday my first nephew, Caden, turned three. Wow...when I say life is moving right along it really is. Caden and his mama, Jaime, lived with us for the first 2 years of his life. He is very special. Birthdays are a big deal to me and it is my heart to really celebrate the life of my loved ones.

Today, Chris and I are going to pick Caden up and take him out for ice cream.

Today, Chris and I are setting a little bit of time aside to let Caden know he is a blessing and that we celebrate him.

Life, it is worth celebrating. How can you celebrate today?

A New Year... A New Me...the process continues

jennifer@sheaferfamily.org (Jennifer Sheafer) — Sat, 03 Jan 2009 19:28:00 +0000

It is 2009! One year ago I was pondering the difficult year I had just gone through. Today I am pondering all that I actually accomplished in 2008.

I attended, and completed, BreakThrough. I began attending a women's group. I read a lot of books...two of them were life changing; The Shack and So You Don't Want to go to Church Anymore. I completed my Life Notebook.

While these things may seem minimal, they are HUGE.

BT began a process of growth and change that is amazing. The women's group is a continuation of that process. The Shack reminded me of the love of Papa God and led me to really know I am accepted by Him. So You Don't Want to go to Church Anymore challenged my thinking about church, about community, and the body of Christ. Both of these books are fiction and they both led me to powerful truths. Completing my Life Notebook has been in the making for over a year. Completing it is a big deal!!

It sounds like 2008 was all about me. Well, maybe it was. I'm worth it.

Reality... the more I do for ME the better I am for my family and the closer our relationships are. Chris and I are growing together and I am learning to be a better Mom. Life is exciting!

2009 is going to be great. I can feel it.

Each day I live, I want to be a day to give the best of me
~ from One Moment in Time by Whitney Houston

A New Year... A New Me... the process continues

jennifer@sheaferfamily.org (Jennifer Sheafer) — Sat, 03 Jan 2009 15:07:00 +0000

Merry Christmas!

jennifer@sheaferfamily.org (Jennifer Sheafer) — Wed, 24 Dec 2008 14:48:00 +0000

Today is Christmas Eve and I am finally feeling excited about Christmas. The ground is covered with a fresh blanket of snow and the sun is shining. What a blessed day. I am celebrating Jesus Christ. How wonderful of a gift. He walked as I do, he was tempted as I am, he overcame... I try. :) I am perfectly imperfect and HE is so very fond of ME! Again, how wonderful a gift.

This year the gifts beneath my tree are scarce, but the gifts of love and life are plentiful. I am among the richest and most blessed!

Merry Christmas to you. I hope that you find joy in this season and that your heart is full.

Grace and Peace!

It's been so long

jennifer@sheaferfamily.org (Jennifer Sheafer) — Sat, 06 Dec 2008 12:18:00 +0000

since I've been able to access my blog. My computer has been difficult for months. What has been going on these past two months?

October: Chris and I celebrated our 14th anniversary. Grace and Hannah turned 10. Aime and Nick's baby girl, Clara, entered the world on October 3. I took a road trip to South Dakota. I was diagnosed with a hormone imbalance, sluggish thyroid, and poor digestion. Dr. Khosh put me on some helpful meds.

November: Trevor turned 18! Wow. A friend of ours had a baby boy. Erin delivered Isaiah on Nov. 21. She is a single mom and I was blessed to coach her during labor and delivery. It was pretty amazing!

Now here we are. December already! 2008 is almost over. Have a very MERRY CHRISTMAS. Make the most of this month. What memories do you want to make?

Journaling Heart

jennifer@sheaferfamily.org (Jennifer Sheafer) — Mon, 15 Sep 2008 14:34:00 +0000

A friend recently made a comment that has me pondering.

"Kids are using facebook to share with the world the things they should be journaling to God."

It is so easy to type out a 'note' or to update our facebook 'status' with exactly what we are feeling... sharing with all who read. I wonder, are the notes and the status updates and the wall posts things that are being prayed about? Or are they just being tossed out there forgetting that God wants to be involved?

I'm guilty of that very thing. It is good to get our thoughts out... to release what is pent up... to confide in friends. It is REALLY good to talk to God about it. I'm all for sharing our hearts with our friends and being real... I just know that for ME... I want to remember to hang out with the Lord... to seek his counsel and his truth. Sometimes, just talking to him clears up cloudy thoughts. Sometimes, talking to him releases anger. Sometimes, talking to him gives vision and purpose. Sometimes, life is big and hard and it takes LOTS of talking to him to find the smallest piece of peace.

What about you? Where does your journaling heart go with all of its thoughts?

From tree to table!

jennifer@sheaferfamily.org (Jennifer Sheafer) — Sun, 14 Sep 2008 19:42:00 +0000

Today I canned my first dozen quarts of pears. Our tree is bursting with ripe fruit that tastes wonderful! Next week we are going to make some pear jam and pear pie! Yum-O!

Nature...a love of mine ~

jennifer@sheaferfamily.org (Jennifer Sheafer) — Sun, 14 Sep 2008 19:31:00 +0000

Rose of Sharon, in my back yard, on a rainy day ~ love it!

Am I real??? Even here... to the whole world of blog readers?

jennifer@sheaferfamily.org (Jennifer Sheafer) — Wed, 10 Sep 2008 16:44:00 +0000

Yes. I choose to be real... at least here... on my The Real Me blog-journal space.

It has been a long time since I have blogged. Life is just crazy busy... and, well... just crazy. I am struggling with a hormone imbalance and it is really knocking me flat. Life is a constant spin. I move in slow motion while my insides are rushing. Tears are a constant companion. Frustration and anger are always hovering, trying to overtake me.

I am currently reading Hinds' Feet on High Places by Hannah Hurnard. It is a good book for me in this season. The book takes its title from Habakkuk 3:19, "The Lord God is my strength, and he will make my feet like hinds' feet, and he will make me to walk upon mine high places."

Yes! Amen! I trust Papa... my Lord... to see me through.

The song of my 11 year old

jennifer@sheaferfamily.org (Jennifer Sheafer) — Thu, 26 Jun 2008 13:37:00 +0000

Elijah wrote this song yesterday and gave me permission to post it here. I found this on his bed.

Jesus, God, The Holy Spirit

Jesus died for me.
He died on the cross,
then he rose again.
Jesus loves you and me,
the Holy Spirit lives in your heart
to make everything easier.
God made everything,
even you and me and
everything we can see.
I have six brothers and sisters
and it is hard to deal with so
the Holy Spirit makes it easier.

He told me that he has 'music' to it in his head but he doesn't like to sing so I haven't heard it. It amazes me that he has an understanding of the Holy Spirit AND that this is what is coming out of his heart.

I asked him about having "six" brothers and sisters as he is one of six. "Should the six be a five?"
He said, "I have a brother or sister in heaven."

I had a miscarriage when Trevor was one...16 years ago! Five years before Elijah was given to us.

Wow. I am continually blown away by my children...their minds and hearts have so many facets.

Suggestible? Expectation? Hope!

jennifer@sheaferfamily.org (Jennifer Sheafer) — Thu, 19 Jun 2008 11:58:00 +0000

Am I suggestible? Do I accept and act on the suggestions of others? Would it be accurate to say that suggestions could be considered expectations?

I think I have been suggestible.

I think that the suggestions of others are often expectations.

Isn't an expectation a preconceived idea of how things should be done...how 'it' is supposed to be? That sounds like stress; a problem in waiting. It is time to let go of expectations and stop trying to force life into a predetermined mold.

I choose to NOT be suggestible when the suggestion is really an expectation.

As I sit and ponder these things, I realize what I want; have hope for me, not expectation of me.

Hope is non-specific. It gives grace and space...freeing.
Expectation is specific and well defined...controlling.

Today I will choose to have hope for MYSELF and not expectation.

It will be a good day.

It is so good...

jennifer@sheaferfamily.org (Jennifer Sheafer) — Wed, 18 Jun 2008 12:50:00 +0000

parenting...I love it. Years ago I had theories on parenting.

This is how you do it and

this is how you don't do it and

this is how you certainly never do it and

this sometimes might be OK.

Well, my amazing children are now 17, 12 (almost 13), 11, 9, 9, and 8. All of my 'theories' have been blown out of the water. I have learned that my ideas about how to parent were often judgements of other parents shortcomings. I am learning that how I thought "it would go" and how it really is are two very different things. I have learned that one way of parenting may only fit one of my children.

Being a parent is the greatest joy. My kiddos make me laugh like no one else.

Being a parent is, at the same time, SO difficult. My heart aches, and breaks, over their hurts, their fears, their struggles, their lessons learned from mistakes, etc.

I know that I'll continue learning. Maybe when Ben (8 year old) is 20...I'll understand how to parent. But then again, I'll probably be learning how to GRANDparent.

How far?

jennifer@sheaferfamily.org (Jennifer Sheafer) — Mon, 16 Jun 2008 12:24:00 +0000

Jesus, you know just how far
The East is from the West
I don’t have to see the man I’ve been
Come rising up in me again
In the arms of your mercy I find rest

Cause you know just how far the East is from the West
From one scarred hand to the other.

Yesterday is over. Today is new.

New mercy...fresh grace...sufficient for ME, for MY TODAY.

I AM NOT, and I DO NOT, have to be who I was yesterday or last month or last year. Everyday I learn more about who I am and everyday I practice being that person... I don't do it perfectly and that is OK.

I am a FREE, VULNERABLE, COURAGEOUS, woman who is SELF-DISCERNING.

How are you?

jennifer@sheaferfamily.org (Jennifer Sheafer) — Sun, 15 Jun 2008 01:51:00 +0000

"I'm not answering that question today."

What a great, bold answer to an all too common question.

Married for 35 years and in the midst of a divorce...

"How are you?"

A best friend dies...

"How are you?"

It is completely understandable to "not answer" that question OR to get frustrated. Is it society...have we all just trained each other that we really don't care? Is it that we just don't want to share our heart...possibly cry or say something "wrong?" Do we want others to "have a brain" and realize how we are without asking?

What's up with "how are you?" Do you really want to know? Do I really want to know?

Yes, I do.

Hey...how are you?

from the heart of a wonderful, aching young man...our Trevor

jennifer@sheaferfamily.org (Jennifer Sheafer) — Sat, 07 Jun 2008 22:44:00 +0000

There are trials in life......all around us.

What do we do during those times?
Well there are two things we could do. What we feel like doing... and what we should do.
What's easier? Well when something hard is going on...it's easier to break down and get depressed and scared and angry and hurt and worried and and and and and.

Since July of last year...I've been going through some pretty hard things. Things that have weakened my relationships at home. Things that have weakened a few relationships with friends. Things that have been 'unhealthy' for me. I want to share a little bit about the two things that have effected me in a negative way more than anything.

First, in July, work started to have a bad effect on my dad. He was getting highly stressed and it was very unhealthy for him. It started getting so bad that he needed to go to the doctor to see what was wrong. The doctor came to the conclusion that my dad was depressed. So he put him on a medicine called Paxil. That's when things got really bad.
Over time, Paxil started to have severe side effects on my dad.
To make a long story short. Paxil severely hurt my dad...and it lasted 6-7months.
Over this period of time...the whole situation hurt me really bad. Mainly because I wanted to know why God was letting everything that was happening....happen. I got angry. Extremely angry. And I started closing myself off from people. I kept everything in. I didn't let anything out. Except maybe to a very few select people. My relationships at home started dwindling. I secluded myself from my family. I would be gone a lot and when I would get home...I'd shut myself in my room. I started doubting myself...and God.
Because of that...I haven't really been the same person that I used to be a year ago.

The other thing is something that's happened very recently. As in, the past 17 days. A friend of mine, also a best friend/sister to some of my very close friends, was in a horrible four-wheeler accident. I'd rather not pull out all of the facts because it's hard enough just typing this up. If you want to know about it, and haven't, you can go to http://www.caringbridge.org/visit/laurengrabham.
For the 16 days she was alive in the hospital, people prayed. Literally thousands of people prayed for her...people all over the United States...and even people in other countries. We were praying for a miracle...I was praying for a miracle. I had so much faith. I was believing. I believed that God was going to provide a miracle. Cause that's what He does. He takes care of us. He provides for us. He gives us happiness. So of course He was going to heal her. Go against IMPOSSIBLE odds...and heal her. People all over the U.S. and the world were praying for her. Having faith...yeah, she was going to come out of it.
She didn't.
Thursday - June 15th - 2008 - 3:15pm - Lauren died in the hospital bed.
She was 15 years old.
When I heard the news that she had passed away. I had an ocean of emotions come over me. Sadness, confusion, passion, anger, rage, even hatred.
She was not supposed to die. She had too much to accomplish. She had so much yet to do.
I started to feel like God just didn't care.
God doesn't listen to us. If He did...then He just isn't a loving god. So either He doesn't listen...or He doesn't care. I just knew it was one of the two. God let Lauren die. He let her go through everything at the hospital...and then just let her die. That sure sounds like a loving, caring, providing, healing god.
Yeah right.
It sounded to me like He didn't care at all. I started feeling like there was no great, healing, caring god.

What an idiot I am.

Yes, Lauren went through a lot.
Yes, Lauren died.
No, it wasn't God's fault.

A horrible accident happened. Lauren was severely hurt.
If Lauren would have lived. She would have continued life...struggling. It would have been very hard for her. In a sense...she probably would have suffered.

Lauren went home. She went to the greatest place she could. She got to go be with her heavenly father. The King of kings, the Lord of lords. Her daddy. She's in heaven rejoicing. Dancing. Singing. Experiencing more than she could have ever imagined. She won. Nothing better could have happened for her. The only negative thing....is now...we hurt.

We're the ones hurting...because...we miss her. We loved, and continue to love her. But she's not here with us...not in a physical sense. We don't get the pleasure of seeing her. Of hearing her. We don't get any of that. We're the ones that are at a loss.

It's ok to be sad. To hurt. To mourn. But not for her sake. Because she's got so much more now. And it hurts to say that. Because after all...she was a friend, a daughter, a sister. 15 years old....
But she's better off now than we are.
Since the moment I got the news, to now. I don't think I've ever cried as much as I have in this time period. It hurts so much.... but that's ok. It's ok to hurt. But I can't be mad at God. I can't lose my faith. Because after all...I was praying for God to heal Lauren physically.

He healed her in every way possible and impossible.
She's perfect now.
That's healing.

So I say all of that to say....there are trials. We constantly go through a trial. What do we do?
Do we freak out and challenge our faith?
Or do we trust that God will take care?

That's all.

Nim's Island tagline

jennifer@sheaferfamily.org (Jennifer Sheafer) — Thu, 05 Jun 2008 17:46:00 +0000

'Be the hero of your own story.'

We all have a life story...isn't it time to take care of you and be your own hero?

summer fun

jennifer@sheaferfamily.org (Jennifer Sheafer) — Fri, 30 May 2008 23:51:00 +0000

Wednesday is 'ferPenBaPins' swim day at our house. The Shea'fer', 'Pen'nel, 'Ba'y, 'Pi'ne, and Steve'ns' all get together to play in the pool.

Ben the fish! He is a great swimmer.

Caden has learned that the pool is so fun!

Who I Am...truth!

jennifer@sheaferfamily.org (Jennifer Sheafer) — Thu, 29 May 2008 12:34:00 +0000

When I called to the Lord, He answered me;
He made me bold and stouthearted. Psalm 138: 3 (Jen's paraphrase)

Bold: confident, adventurous, free!
Stouthearted: having a stout heart or spirit: courageous!
Stout: strong of character
Heart: one's innermost character, feelings, or inclinations

I am confident, adventurous, free, courageous, and strong in my innermost character, feelings, and inclinations!

The Life and Times....

jennifer@sheaferfamily.org (Jennifer Sheafer) — Thu, 29 May 2008 11:42:00 +0000

of the Sheafer Eight!

My husband and I have six children and we home school all of them. It is the season for the pool and play but I want to keep the momentum going! Thus, school does continue. The goal? Complete school work before noon, including reading. This keeps the entire afternoon free for swimming, playing, lounging, etc. We have a pool in our back yard and this is a great motivator for getting 'stuff' done. I look forward to listening to my kiddos read, watching the light bulbs go off in their heads when they 'get' the new math problem, and shuffling through all the teacher papers to grade their worksheets. How great is my life!!!

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I am in the season of RE-ARRANGE, RE-ORGANIZE, and RE-ADJUST. I'm working on my 'Life Notebook' and becoming a diligent homemaker/wife/mother. School planning, menu planning, grocery planning, household chores, laundry, errands, library...clean the front porch, clean the back porch...brush my teeth?!?!?! Are you kidding? How am I supposed to get all of this done?

Life Notebook!

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Schatzie got into the trash last night. Ugh. She hasn't done this is a long time. My friend, Tracy, told me to put Schatzie IN the trashcan and then laugh at her. Tracy said the humiliation would keep her from doing it again. Well, I did that. It worked! But the tiny chicken scraps (that should have been taken out LAST NIGHT!) were more than little poochy could handle. I'm wondering if another trashcan laugh is in order???

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The birds are singing. The house is quiet. The children are all sleeping. Chris has gone to work. It is a quiet time. I'm off to chat with Papa. Have a blessed day!

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There ya go. I look into The Life and Times....

Crush

jennifer@sheaferfamily.org (Jennifer Sheafer) — Thu, 29 May 2008 02:16:00 +0000

The newest addition to our family...Crush the bearded dragon. Our friends, Chris and Shawn Bay, were his previous owners and they passed him on to us. Very cool!

Schatzie

jennifer@sheaferfamily.org (Jennifer Sheafer) — Wed, 28 May 2008 20:30:00 +0000

Our dear friend, Carrol, took this picture of our little pooch. Schatzie is our spoiled dachshund. She is one and a half and we hope to breed her in October. She is a tiny thing, only about seven pounds, and we will be breeding her with a chihuahua to create precious chiweenies (aka Mexican Hot Dogs).